TOW Chandler's Last FreakOut
by starvingstudent
Summary: During TOW Monica and Chandler's Wedding: Chandler freaks out, but doesn't run away. He goes to the only person he knows can make him feel better. MC.
1. Chapter 1

AN: So I've had this idea for a while and finally sat down to write it. The idea of Chandler freaking out before the wedding was valid, but I never liked that he ran away, so here's my version.

Disclaimer: I am not affiliated with FRIENDS in any way. I own nothing.

"…if you're calling before Saturday, you've reached Monica and Chandler, but if you're calling after Saturday, you've reached Mr. and Mrs. Bing. Please leave a message for the Bings!"

The small smile that had been playing on his lips disappeared as Chandler felt his heart constrict at his fiancée's words. _The Bings_. Images of his parents and grandparents tore through his mind as if on some sort of unending iteration that he could not control. As breathing began to become problematic he tugged on the tie Monica had loving made sure was straight only moments before. Sweat started forming on his brow and his heart rate raced out of control as his parasympathetic nervous system kicked in. Using the most effective calming rituals he had learned as a child, he was slowly able to bring his breathing and heart rate down to a more manageable level. Only moments later Monica came flying back in the front door, Rachel and Joey on her heels.

"Sorry sweetie, Rachel doesn't have anything."

Chandler blinked, racking his brain for any clue to what she was talking about. "Sorry, what?"

"For your day. She doesn't have a necklace for your dad."

"Oh, right," he replied, their conversation of only minutes ago flying back to him.

"You okay over there?" Monica asked gently, tilting her head slightly as she stepped toward him.

Chandler forced a smile to his face. He had long ago mastered the art of fooling people in any situation. She had been the only one who he had found able to see through him and read what he was trying to hide, but he hoped she would be too caught up in last minute wedding details to notice. It only took a small reminder from him to forget her worries. "Of course I'm okay, we're getting married tomorrow."

Monica's whole face lit up at his words. "You bet your ass we are! Now, are you ready, cause we've got to go. Rehearsal dinner here we come!"

Chandler smiled at her enthusiasm, and allowed himself to be led out the door.

They arrived at the restaurant early, Monica immediately morphing into control mode and Chandler found momentary peace in the multitude of tasks she'd assigned him. For a short period of time he thought he was going to be okay. However, just as the guests started to arrive a teary-eyed Rachel wandered up to them, throwing her arms around both of their necks.

"I'm so happy for you guys!" Rachel managed. She squeezed each of their necks tightly before pulling back, a hand on each of their shoulders. "And to think, just twenty-four hours from now you're going to married. Married! You're gonna be Mr. and Mrs. Bing!"

There it was again, that horrible expression. _The Bings_. Chandler felt like a deer caught in headlights. He was sure everyone in the room was staring at him, could read his thoughts, knew exactly what was going through his head. He pulled at his tie that Monica had fixed twice already that evening. Monica, thank-god, had moved her attention on to the next set of guests walking in, too busy to notice her soon-to-be husbands sudden change.

_Chandler remembered that fateful Thanksgiving night. He was lying in bed, a ginger ale beside him that the maid had given him after he had stopped throwing up to settle his stomach. His father was out with the pool boy and he hadn't seen his mother since she had taken off not too soon after dinner. Chandler wrapped his small arms tightly around a pillow as he fought not to cry. Crying was for weaklings, and he wasn't going to be weak anymore. He didn't want to be upset. There was nothing for him to be sad about. He knew his parents hadn't been happy. They hadn't been in love. Love was stupid, it only got you hurt. He vowed to himself never to fall in love. It wasn't worth the pain._

"Oh, honey," Rachel said, reaching up to stop his hand. "Don't ruin your tie."

Chandler managed to get his breathing under control without let Monica on to anything he was feeling, but he was painfully aware of his heart beating heavily in his chest. He planted a smile on his face and managed to be introduced to a few people before recognizing his future parents-in-law stepping in the door.

"Hey!" Jack called out. "Look at my little Harmonica, all grown up."

"Hi sweetie," Judy said as she quickly embraced her daughter. "And hello Chandler," she pulled him into a short hug. "Thank-you so much Chandler, if it weren't for you this day may never have come."

"Oh, well you're welcome I guess," Chandler said carefully, aware of the look his fiancée was giving her mother. He gently wrapped his left arm around Monica, pulling her closer to him.

"Welcome to the family, son," Jack said brightly, shaking his hand.

There was a silent moment where Jack and Judy stepped back together and stared at the happy couple in front of them. Chandler began to feel uneasy when Judy's eyes began to water. He could almost hear her next words. "You two have just made us so happy. Getting married tomorrow, and hopefully giving us some grandkids soon. Oh, your children will be so beautiful. Can't you just see them Jack, little Bings running around?"

As Jack nodded his agreement to his wife's words, Chandler felt his entire internal system contract as if someone had hit him in the stomach. He could remember being called 'little Bing' as a child.

_Eight-year old Chandler peered shyly around the corner into the room full of grown-ups he had never met. They were his mothers friends and he had been instructed to stay out of the way. It was a party for adults, not children. Still, he didn't see any harm in simply watching for a few minutes. There was movement behind him and he turned to see a tall lady staring down at him. He stared back up, cringing as he knew he had been caught. "Hi," he almost-whispered._

"_Hi," the women said brightly, "and who are you?"_

"_I'm Chandler."_

"_Oh, wonderful, you must be Nora and Charles son?"_

_Chandler nodded. _

"_Well, let me get a good look at you." With that the strange lady crouched down, so that she was eye level with him and put a and on each shoulder as she studied his face. Chandler tried to keep a straight face as he attempted to subtly pull away. The woman's breath smelled horrible, a smell he didn't know where it came from, but that he recognized having smelled it from his parents many times. "Aren't you just adorable." With that she grabbed Chandler by the arm and dragged him out into the living room._

"_Chandler, what are you doing out here?" He cringed at his mothers tone, knowing she wouldn't be happy with him._

"_Oh, Nora, you never told me just cute your son is." They had attracted the attention of other woman at the party._

"_I didn't know you had a son," a second lady started gushing over him. "Oh, look at him, he's shy. What a beautiful little Bing."_

_The two ladies took it upon themselves to drag him around the room and introduce him to every other person there. As it got later, Chandler tried to get away, but they wouldn't let him. They kept passing him strange little bite-size pieces of food that he had never seen before and laughing as he ate them. It was well past his bedtime when one of the ladies who was acting as his capture picked up one of his mother's books, which he wasn't ever supposed to read and began reading allowed. Chandler didn't understand half of the things that were being said, but he was sure he didn't want to know. He was passed a bottle with strange smelling liquid in it. He made a face and tried to put it down, but they made him taste it and laughed at his expression. Suddenly the bottle was being pulled from his grasp and he looked up to see his father looking mad. _

"_Chandler, what are you doing up?"_

"_Before Chandler could even answer all hell broke loose. His father began yelling, telling everyone to leave. His mother yelled back and Chandler made a dash for his bedroom. He stayed up all night listening to them yelling into the early hours of the morning. He finally cried himself to sleep with one thought repeating over in his head: It's all my fault, I should never have tried to peek._

More than twenty years later, Chandler was very aware that the incident had not been his fault, however in seeing that it had been followed not too much later by the announcement of his parents divorce, it had taken him some time to come to that conclusion. He could still feel the intensity of the pain from that night. He glanced beside him at the woman in his arms and sighed inwardly. He wanted to have kids with her, but there was no way he could ever inflict that kind of pain on a child. And if they were _the Bings_, he may not have much choice in the decision. _The Bings_ did horrible jobs of raising their children.

Jack and Judy moved on to talk to their son, leaving Chandler relieved that they hadn't talked any longer. Suddenly Monica was pulling his attention to the next guests coming in the door. He managed to keep his nerves in check as he politely nodded at each person Monica introduced him to.

"Hey, Morine," Monica was saying. "Chandler, this is my cousin Morine."

Chandler was feeling stifled by this point. "Hi, we're the Bings," he stated, trying not to be horrified by the words. Phoebe and Rachel approached the, but he didn't even hear their words. "Mr. and Mrs. Bing," he muttered as he left the girls alone. He needed a moment to get himself back under control.

Only minutes later he saw his mother come in the door, and made a dash to meet her, hoping she would have something to say to him. Once he got closer he realized how wrong he was. What kind of a mother dresses like that? He chastised himself for even thinking she might ever act like a mother. "Hi mom, thanks for wearing… something."

"Oh, honey, this is so exciting! I thought we'd screwed you up so bad this day would never come." Her words echoed the thoughts running through his head. "Oh, and just think. Soon they'll be lots of little Bings."

_The Bings_. There it was again, that feeling of being trapped, that the room was shrinking around him. _The Bings_. He pulled at his tie, grateful none of the girls were around to stop him.

_Ten-year old Chandler ran for home, narrowly beating the ball there and cheered with his team as he had just scored the winning run. His eyes went to the bleachers where his mother had been with her new boyfriend. His friends had made fun of him, as his mothers boyfriend claimed to still be in college, but Chandler was still glad his mother was there. However, he couldn't find her in the crowd. After the medals had been given out and the picture taken, he accepted the fact that his mother had left. He put his glove and medal in his bag and walked home. The maid offered him a sad smile and made him dinner. His mother emerged from her bedroom hours later._

"_Sorry we missed the rest of your game, Chandler. You'll understand when your older."_

_Chandler nodded and faked a smile; already well into his life of hiding emotions. His mother never even asked him how his team had done. The medal got thrown into a box under his bed of things his parents hadn't ever seen: other medal, badges, report cards and awards. _

"Mrs. Bing." Monica's voice cut into his thoughts. "Here, these are my parents, Judy and Jack Gellar." Chandler held his breath while introductions were done and hands were shaken.

"So, are you his mother or his father?" Jacks words made Chandler cringe and he was grateful for Monica to send her parents away. He was almost relieved before he spotted his father walking in behind them.

"Hello, all." Charles said.

"Hi…dad."

"Hi… Mr. Bing." Chandler was suddenly incredibly grateful that Monica put up with his family so well. Having a cougar mother and a cross-dressing father didn't always hold up so well. Monica continued to attempt to keep peace between his parents, but Chandler stayed silent, knowing there was not use. They were _the Bings_. There was nothing anyone could do.

_Fourteen year old Chandler Bing sat uncomfortably on the hard chair in the school gymnasium, waiting for his name to be called. His friends were excited, but Chandler didn't get it, you had to sit in the gym for two hours only to get a piece of paper that said you graduated. Plus, what did it matter, it was only elementary school? The graduation he couldn't wait for was high school. Then he'd be able to move out on his own, get away from his parents. His parents weren't even there. His mother was at a book signing and his father had moved to Vegas the year before and claimed he couldn't make it. His grandparents were in the audience, quite unhappy about being stuck there. _

_He couldn't quite figure out why his father's parents were still together. When he voiced his question to his parents they told him that people of that age didn't believe in divorce. So, apparently it didn't matter if they cheated on each other, it was better to have a unhappy marriage than a divorce. Chandler didn't get it. Didn't they realize that marriage was stupid? It never worked. Why would you ever put yourself through that?_

"Oh my God," Chandler gave up listening to his parents, knowing nothing they could say would make him feel any better. He had long since given up on learning anything constructive from them.

Monica followed him away from his parents.

"I hate my parents," Chandler started.

Monica smiled. "I know, but don't worry, its just one meal."

Before Chandler could begin to say more they were interrupted by Ross and his parents.

"Oh course you could kick his ass, son."

"You could kick anyones ass you want."

"Thanks you guys."

Chandler shook his head as Monica went to talk to Rachel. He had to sit down before he fell down. This whole evening was a nightmare so far. He couldn't deal with much more. He sat down and rested his head in his hands, allowing himself to mentally block everything else out for a few moments. Suddenly there was clinking and he stealed himself for what his best friend, and future brother-in-law was about to say. The way his night was going, it wasn't going to be anything good.

Monica took her seat beside him as Ross stumbled over an attempted joke about Chandler first girlfriend. "…anyways, this marriage is doubly special for me, uh because not only is the groom my best friend, but the bride is my little sister. And she's the greatest sister a guy could ask for." Chandler allowed himself a small, glad that Ross was happy with their relationship. "So, if you'd all please join me in raising a glass to the couple we're here to celebrate. To the Bings."

"To the Bings!" Everyone in the hall chorused after Ross. All happy thoughts were erased from Chandler's memory at the words. Hearing single people say it was bad enough, but to have an entire hall full of people yell it out almost put him over the edge right there.

_The Bings._ He couldn't be _The Bings_. He couldn't do that to himself, he couldn't do that to the amazing woman sitting beside him.

_Eighteen year old Chandler Bing stood in the bathroom at his school staring into the mirror. He almost didn't even recognize the face staring back at him. He was pale and sported dark circles under his eyes. He had barely slept in the past week. His school had limited graduation tickets to three per student. This had erupted into a war for which parent got to bring a date. They had been laying on the pressure for a month now, offering him gifts and money. He couldn't stand it anymore and had finally banned either of his parents from bringing a date. They were both mad at him and hadn't spoken to him for a week. He wasn't even sure they were going to show up tonight. He just hoped that if they did show up, they would be alone. He adjusted his cap in the mirror and made his way into the gym at the last possible moment and took his seat. He made sure not to look back into the audience at any time during the ceremony. Even when he was called on stage to accept his diploma he kept his eyes down and didn't pause for onstage pictures like the majority of his classmates. _

_After the ceremony he was surprised to find both of his parents waiting for him in the entrance to the school. _

"_Congratulations, sweetie," his mother said._

"_Good job, son."_

"_Thanks," Chandler had said quietly, unwilling to admit how happy he was to have his parents there._

"_So, Chandler," his father started. "I want to take you out for a celebratory dinner, my treat wherever you want to go."_

_Chandler was surprised by the offer and smiled, but before he could respond his mother cut him off. _

"_Excuse me? I don't think so. He's my son too and he lives in my house. I will be the one who gets to take him out for dinner."_

"_Nora, don't be absurd. You didn't even want to take him out until I said I wanted to. Don't be so childish."_

"_I'm not the one who's being childish, Charles." Voices were being raised and people were starting to stare. "It's your fault I could bring Markus with me tonight. I deserve to take him out tonight."_

_Charles shook his head. "No, I barely get to see him. And I couldn't bring anyone either."_

_There was a stare off between his parents and they had attracted the attention of quite a few families. Chandler carefully tried to help the situation. "Why don't the three of us go out together?"_

"_No," his father said. _

"_Absolutely not," said his mother._

"_Look, Chandler, you're eighteen now. This is your decision."_

_His mother nodded her agreement. "Yes, Chandler. Who would you rather go to dinner with?"_

_Chandler stared as both his parents willed him to choose them. Both of them looked so sure of his decision and had the promise of whatever he wanted in their eyes if he would only choose them. Chandler sighed. "Actually, guys, it's been a long week and I'm not really up to going out tonight." Chandler had spent that night alone in his room with a bottle of vodka wishing his life could be normal. _

Chandler put his glass down without taking a sip first. He didn't think his fastly constricting throat could handle any liquid right now. He tugged at his tie for the umpteenth time, hoping no one would notice. The rest of the dinner was a blur to him. Monica, thank-god, was too busy juggling every little thing that she didn't notice him walking around in a trance for the remainder of the evening.

Before he knew it all of the guests had left, leaving just the six of them. The girls and guys were each supposed to share a cab home, because it was getting late and Monica and Chandler weren't supposed to see each other after midnight. They were supposed to have a few minutes to spend with each other before saying goodbye for the first time as an unmarried couple. However, the cabs showed up sooner than expected, destroying Chandler's only chance to seek some comfort from Monica.

"Hey, you okay? You've been quiet tonight?" Monica's voice cut through the fog that was his mind.

Chandler turned to face her. He wanted more than anything to tell her all of his insecurities and fears, knowing she could make him feel better, she always did. But he knew they didn't have enough time. Their friends were loading the cars and then they would have to leave. If Chandler started talking and got cut off, he knew it would freak her out and she would be worrying about him all night. He couldn't do that to her.

"Sorry, I'm just a little tired. It's been a stressful couple of days."

Monica narrowed her eyes. "Are you sure that all, cause you seem worried about something?"

_Damn_, Chandler thought. Obviously he hadn't been hiding as well as he had thought. He forced a smile to his lips. "Hey, I'm Chandler. You can't expect me to get marries without being a little worried the night before, right?" He attempted a joke and held his breath, hoping she would fall for it.

Monica seemed to consider his words. "If your sure its just a little worry. Cause you can talk to me, you know?"

Chandler nodded. "I know." He was cut off by Joey yelling that they were ready to go. "But we're out of time."

Monica shook her head. "We can wait a little longer."

Chandler actually smiled at this. The knowledge that Monica would allow her schedule to get behind for him gave him some comfort. He gently took her hands in his. "Don't worry about it. It's just pre-wedding stuff. I'll be fine. I'll talk to Ross, he's got lots of experience."

Monica laughed at this and Chandler smiled at her. "If you're sure…"

Chandler nodded and leaned in to place a kiss on her lips, letting it linger a little. "I'm sure."

Monica lifted her hands out of his grasp and up to cup his face. "Then I'll see you tomorrow," she said with a big smile. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

Monica placed a quick peck on his lips and turned to get in the cab. Chandler stared after her as the vehicle rolled away. He allowed himself to feel the first bit of relief he had felt all night. Juts being with her for a few short moments made him feel better. He was pulled from his thoughts by Ross and Joey and dragged into the waiting cab.


	2. Chapter 2

About an hour later Chandler found himself pacing back and forth in Rachel's room. He didn't fail to notice the irony that the last room he would sleep in before getting married was the one he had spent so much time in as a bachelor. He glanced at his watch and sighed. There was no way he would be getting any sleep any time soon.

Joey was banging around in the room next to him, getting ready to head back out to the set of his new movie, and Chandler knew this was his only chance to slip out undetected. He stepped out into the living room and carefully made his way across the room to the front door, which he quietly closed behind him.

He hesitated at the stairs before making his way up instead of down. Stepping out onto the roof, Chandler breathed in a lungful of fresh air. He wandered over to the edge and glanced down at the city below him, envious of the multitude of normal people wandering along the street below him. At that moment he wished more than anything that he could be normal, that he could be what Monica deserved. He loved her more than anything and wished he could be approaching the following day with excitement and not fear.

Chandler spent the next hour up on the roof, leaning against the edge, trying to settle his thoughts. _How could he have come so close to getting married without realizing they would be the Bings?_ He couldn't be _the Bings_, he couldn't do that to her, he loved her too much. As much as he wanted to freak out and take off, the small rational area of his brain that was still functioning told him he was going overboard. He needed to calm down to enable himself to think objectively. However, all the hours of therapy and learning to control his breathing and slow his heart rate failed to lower his anxiety to a stable level.

He finally came to the conclusion that there was only one thing that would calm him down. He just hoped she wouldn't be too mad at him; it was after midnight after all.

XXX

Although fast asleep, Monica was aware of noise and another presence in her room. She groggily blinked her eyes, trying to focus on the figure standing in the doorway. Expecting to see Rachel or Phoebe, she was surprised to see her soon-to-be husband's form standing in the doorway, a hand held over his eyes.

"Chandler?"

"Shh," he said quietly as he closed the door behind him, obviously fearful of being caught by Rachel and Phoebe.

"What's wrong with your eyes?"

"It's after midnight," Chandler stated.

Monica almost laughed, "so?"

"I'm not supposed to _see_ you after midnight. So technically, _this_ is okay." He hastily explained, more than a hint of uncertainty in his voice, as if afraid of her response.

This time Monica did laugh at his antics and got up to meet him. "What's going on, Chandler?"

"I, uh, I just needed to talk to you more a minute, I won't be long. I promise." His voice was strained, reminding her of his strange behavior earlier that evening.

She reached up and gently pulled his hand away from his eyes, which he continued to hold tightly shut. "Chandler, open your eyes," she demanded lightly.

He shook his head. "No, I'll ruin it. I can't. It'll give us bad luck. We don't need anymore bad luck."

Monica gently squeezed the hand she was still holding, reassuring him. "Chandler, I'm not going to talk to you with your eyes closed. It's absurd. It's just a silly tradition that Phoebe and Rachel are enacting, and I promise not to tell on you. Nothing bad will happen, I promise. Now please let me see your beautiful eyes."

Chandler sighed and slowly opened his eyes. Monica was taken aback by the sheer emotion behind them. She had never seen him look so lost before. "Chandler, what's going on?" She was now beginning to become concerned. Her heart beat a little faster.

Chandler hesitated before speaking softly. "I need you." He looked away from her eyes and closed his.

Monica's heart went out to him and she gently pulled him to sit next to her on their bed. "I'm right here." She whispered, placing a comforting hand on his back.

He took a deep, shuddery breath before continuing. "I can't be the Bings."

Monica was confused. "What?"

"The _Bings_," Chandler repeated. "I can't be the Bings. I won't be the Bings. I can't do that to you, to us."

Monica shook her head. "Chandler, sweetie, I don't understand what you're saying."

He looked her in the eye again. "I don't want to hurt you. I want you to be happy." He said, no hint of anything but honesty in voice or eyes.

"I am happy." Monica said. She still didn't know where he was coming from, but she knew him well enough to know he would eventually say enough for her to understand.

He shook his head again. "But you won't be. Not if we become the _Bings_."

Suddenly Monica was afraid. Her already heightened heart rate intensified and her throat went dry. "Do you not want to marry me?" She asked softly, afraid of his answer.

"No, that's not it. I love you Monica, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you, but I don't want to be the Bings."

Although reassured by his answer, Monica was even more confused. "What does the last name have to do with it?" She asked as her heart began to settle again.

"Everything." His voice cracked a bit at his words and Monica wrapped her arms tightly around him, not knowing what else to do. She pulled him as close as she could, allowing a small smile as she felt him respond by pulling her in to him, burying his face in the crook of her neck. She felt just enough liquid against her skin to know he was crying. The realization sent tears to her eyes as well. She did her best to comfort him, knowing how hard it was on him just to show this kind of emotion in front of another person, even if that person wanted to spend the rest of her life with him.

After a few minutes his breathing slowed somewhat and he pulled away, avoiding her eyes, obviously embarrassed. She was still close enough to feel his rapid heart beat and shuddery breathing. "I'm sorry," he whispered, closing his eyes.

"For what?"

"For ruining your night. Your wedding is tomorrow and here you are up late trying to reason with the idiot who can't keep himself under control."

Monica's heart went out to him. She hated it when he put himself down, but she understood why he did it. She was immensely grateful that he had the courage to come to her when he was feeling this way. The thought of him alone and afraid the night before their wedding brought tears to her eyes.

"Stop." She told him gently, forcing him to look at her. He seemed calm enough to explain. "No time spent with you is wasted time. And it's _our_ wedding tomorrow, not just mine. And you're not an idiot." She added with a smile, wiping the remaining moisture off his face. "Please tell me what happened. You were doing so well yesterday afternoon. What changed?"

Chandler sighed, looking away again. "I heard the message, on the phone, and you said Mr. and Mrs. Bing."

Monica cringed as she realized what he was talking about. "Oh, Chandler, I'm sorry. I was excited the other day. I shouldn't have done it."

Chandler shook his head. "No, that's not the problem. I should have heard that message and been happy, been fine with it. Not freaked out and nearly had a panic attack. Every time someone said the word Bing this evening I started freaking out again. I kept picturing my parents, and my grandparents, and I can't stand the thought of us being like that. I love you so much, Mon, so much and just thinking about us being like that hurts. I don't ever want to hurt you…" He trailed off, as his eyes welled up with tears.

Monica closed her arms around him again and closed her eyes, actually feeling some of the pain he was going through. She had heard many of the stories from his childhood and could completely comprehend his fears and doubts. She rested her forehead against the side of his head that he had turned away from her and for a few moments as she struggled with what to tell him. She knew his fears about being _the Bings_ were irrational, but she also knew that he probably knew that too. She finally decided just to be honest.

She pulled back a bit, keeping her hands on his shoulders, and gently coaxing his face back to her. She gazed into the bright blue eyes that conveyed just how confused and worried he was. She offered a small smile and squeezed his shoulders, pleasantly surprised when he lifted a hand to meet one of hers. He wrapped his hand around hers and squeezed back, his head tilting towards them.

"Chandler," Monica started, allowing him to gently lower their joined hands in-between them, but leaving her left hand up on his shoulder. "I know what happened to you growing up, I know about your parents, and even your grandparents." She gave him a moment and searched his eyes, making sure he knew she understood. "But, sweetie, you're not them. I know you're not."

"But what if I become them?" He whispered.

Monica shook her head. "You won't," she said forcefully. "Chandler I've know you since I was seventeen, and even though I wasn't exactly your biggest fan at first…" She trailed off as she heard him laugh slightly at the comment, a response she hoped to achieve. "Even if I haven't always loved you as much as I love you now, I always knew you were nothing like your parents. Chandler, you are so different from them. You care about others so much, and you always put other people first." Monica smiled and moved her left hand from his shoulder to cup his cheek. "You are such a good man, Chandler Bing, such a good man. And I love you so much."

Chandler turned his face away from her gaze, unable to accept the compliments. Monica slid her left hand back down to his shoulder and used her right to squeeze the hand that was still holding hers. She waited patiently and after a minute he turned his gaze back to her. His eyes were no longer showing high levels of panic, now they seemed if anything to be even deeper, allowing her to see layers upon layers of emotion. Her eyes welled for the umpteenth time that night at the realization that this was as vulnerable as he had ever let her see. He had dropped all the walls, inviting her in without any obstruction.

She now hesitated in her words, knowing it was up to her and her alone to help him. Drawing a deep breath, Monica decided to change her tactics.

"Chandler, it doesn't matter _what_ everybody else calls us, it only matters _who_ we are. And we're good, sweetie, we work together, we fit. And you know you know this." She smiled when he closed his eyes for a moment, taking in her words. He was staying calm, so she continued. "Marriage is a big step for most people, but not us. We know we're not making a leap. We've been together for three years, and they've been the happiest years of my life." She was tearing up again, but she continued. "Do you think adding the words Mr. and Mrs. Bing is really going to change that?" She paused, waiting to see if he would answer.

Chandler hesitated and tilted his head. "It might. It doesn't really have the greatest track record."

"And you're going to be the one to change that." Monica said confidently. "_We're_ going to be the ones to change that."

Chandler shook his head. "How?"

"Just by being us. We're going to be okay. Remember, I'm Monica, I don't lose, and there is no way I'm ever going to lose you. Ever."

Chandler hesitated as if about to say something but remained silent.

"Hey," Monica said gently, prompting him.

Chandler looked down. "I don't even know how to be in a marriage. I don't know how to be a good husband."

"So, ask Ross, he's got a lot of experience," Monica said, trying to elicit a smile.

She was rewarded when the corners of his mouth twitched. "I said _good_ husband." He said. "I already know to always say the right name and never tell you we're not married when we still are."

Monica laughed. "See, you already know more than Ross."

They were silent for a few moments, Chandler trying to amass his confidence and Monica trying to organize her thoughts.

"Chandler, I don't know how to be in a marriage either, or how to be a good wife. It's something that we have to learn together."

He shook his head. "No, you already know. You're a woman, and you're Monica, things like this just come natural for you."

Monica smiled. "Not always," she admitted. "When we first moved in together, I found it hard. Like I hated your chair, and some of your stuff drove me crazy, but now I can't imagine living any other way. It's not your life and my life anymore, it hasn't been for a long time. It's our life."

"But still…" Chandler trailed off.

Monica was struck by the realization of just what was worrying him. "How do you think things will differ when we come back home on sunday?"

Chandler shook his head. "I have no idea. And that's what scares me."

Monica smiled inwardly. "Well I know. We're going to come home with a piece of paper that says we're married and a whole truckload full of gifts. And that's it. We're going to be the Bings, but not in the way you're thinking. We're going to be happy and we're going to go on with our lives, not fight constantly."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Chandler do you realize we've been living together for two years?" He nodded. "We know we love living together and we already share everything and call when we're going to be late. All that the piece of paper and the titles of Mr. and Mrs. Bing do is confirm that we're going to keep doing this stuff for the rest of our lives."

"And nothing else is going to change?"

"Not right away. And not between us. We both want to move into a house some day, start a family." Monica said lightly, knowing she had to be honest with him, but hoping it would freak him out. To her happiness, her words didn't appear to phase him.

"As long as _we_ don't change. I can just imagine myself in ten years looking back at this being the last day we were happy before I screwed everything up."

Monica offered him a smile. He was fast regaining control of his emotions and confidence. The walls were coming back up, but they were good walls, the type not designed to keep her out. "You're not going to screw this up, Chandler. You're going to screw up and make mistakes, but so am I. Neither one of us is perfect."

Chandler raised an eyebrow. "You're actually admitting to that?"

Monica laughed. "Just don't tell anyone." With that she moved away from him before pulling him down onto the bed beside him, leaving them both lying of their backs, fingers linked between them.

After a few minutes Chandler sighed. "I can't believe I did that," he stated. "I must drive you crazy."

Monica laughed. "You keep me on my toes, but that's part of the reason I love you."

"Really?"

Monica propped herself up on her elbow so she was facing him. "Really." She leaned in to kiss him before settling her head on his shoulder, her left hand drawing figures on his chest. He wrapped his left arm around her frame and caught her left hand with his right, securely linking their fingers together. They lay in comfortable silence for a few minutes.

"Hey Chandler," Monica started. "Do you remember when we almost got married in Vegas?"

Chandler laughed at the memory. "Of course."

"And we didn't cause we didn't think we were ready? It's funny cause instead of getting married, we moved in together. And marriage did seem like a big step at that point, but it doesn't anymore, especially when we already live together."

Chandler nodded. "I think I know what you mean."

"Really?" She asked, propping her head up to look him in the eye.

He offered her a reassuring smile and nodded. "Really."

Monica felt a wave of emotion go through her. She could barely comprehend just how much she loved this man. "It's funny, cause when I was younger I couldn't wait to be married, but now, with you, I feel like we're already, I don't know, emotionally married."

"Me too," Chandler said truthfully, then to her unsure look. "It was more the functional aspects that scared me. If I knew what you told me tonight back in Vegas, I would have dragged you back into one of those wedding chapels."

Monica's heart swelled at his words and her eyes misted, at the same time laughing at his comment. And as she gazed into his honest eyes, she had never been more sure of any of her life decisions. She smiled and lay back, pulling him on top of her and guided his mouth to hers.

Chandler was very receptive to her movements, deepening the kiss almost immediately, playing at the hem of her nightshirt as he felt her hands slide under his. As she was pulling his shirt up his back, he pulled away, breathing hard.

She gave him a questioning gaze.

"You do realize that Rachel and Phoebe will kill me if they find out I'm in here, do this. We may have had an out if I was freaking out, but there's no way they're going to approve if they walk in and I'm on top of you."

At this Monica laughed fully, her laughter intensifying at Chandler's attempts to keep her quiet. And as he attempted to clamp a hand over her mouth, Chandler started to laugh as well.

Monica finally collected herself. "Don't worry about them, if they find out and have a problem, we'll kick them out," she joked. "We'll just have to be quiet." Then off of Chandler's look she rolled her eyes, "fine, I'll just have to be quiet. I just- I need this right now."

Chandler lowered himself onto her, his face right above hers, his lips only millimeters away. "Me too," he whispered before capturing her lips with his.

AN: So thats chapter 2, does anyone still read Mondler stuff, anyway? Hope its okay, chapter 3 on its way.


	3. Chapter 3

Chandler was pulled from a deep sleep at the familiar sound of the alarm clock. He groaned and pulled his arm away from Monica momentarily to reach across her form to turn off the incessant ringing. He blinked wearily at the time. 5:00. Momentary confusion washed over him at the early time before a smile appeared on his lips. He remembered what today was. Today was the day he was going to do what he had sworn to himself so many times as a child that he would never do. Today he was going to get married. His heart swelled at the realization that the sleeping woman in his arms wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. Pushing his forehead against the back of her head and breathing in her smell, he closed his eyes and allowed himself a moment before sighing and dragging his tired limbs out of the bed.

The mostly asleep Monica groaned in protest at the sudden removal of her heat source. As Chandler was pulling his clothes back on, she sat up, blinking wearily at him.

"What time is it?" She asked.

"A little after 5."

She looked confused. "Then where are you going?"

Chandler smiled and now fully dressed, wandered over to her side of the bed before sitting beside her and taking her hands. "I have to get out of here before Rachel and Phoebe get up and catch me. Or there may not be a man left for you to marry today."

He was rewarded when she smiled at his words, the importance of today's events rushing back to her. "You really think they'd be up this early?"

Chandler shrugged. "You never know." He laughed. "It's almost like when we were still sneaking around. Getting back to our own beds at ungodly hours of the morning."

Monica laughed. "At least you get to sleep in today. I have to get up in two hours and start getting ready."

Chandler mock-glared at her. "Hey, I have to get ready too."

"Yes, but sweetie, it's a little easier for guys. All you really have to do is have a shower, brush your hair and get dressed. I have to get my hair done, make-up, dress, shoes…" She trailed off.

Chandler smiled, admitting defeat. "I'm sorry I kept you up last night."

Monica leaned in a planted a quick kiss on his lips. "I'm not." She whispered seductively, leaning back, and pulling him down with her. "In fact, its too bad you have to leave so early…"

Chandler groaned, burying his face on her shoulder. "You're the devil," he whispered when he lifted his head back up to meet her eyes.

"You okay?" She asked lightly.

He smiled down at her. "Never better." There was no hint of anything but honesty in his eyes. "We're getting married today," he whispered, his voice quiet, but excited.

Monica smiled. "You bet your ass we are."

Chandler sighed and rolled off the bed. He quickly reset the alarm clock for her and leaned down for one last kiss as an unmarried couple. "I'll see you this afternoon," he whispered.

Monica smiled. "I'll be the one in the white dress."

Chandler laughed at her words, knowing it was his sense of humor that had worn off on her over the years.

They both jumped at the sounds of movement in the next room. They both held their breath as footsteps were heard leaving the guest room and heading for the bathroom. "I think that's my cue," Chandler said, offering her a warm smile before slipping out the door.

Monica smiled to herself as she rolled over and drifted off to sleep.

zzzzz

A few hours later, over in Rachel's room, Chandler was fast asleep, a small smile playing on his lips, as his dreams were light and happy. Suddenly the serenity of his dream world was pulled violently away from him when the pillow that was held securely in his arms was yanked from his embrace. He barely had a chance to react when he was suddenly assaulted by way of pillow, over and over again.

Chandler stuttered and tried to sit up, his eyes unable to focus on his attacker. "Hey- wait, stop!" He managed to get out, but the assault didn't cease. Finally in a moment of uncharacteristic coordination and reflex, Chandler managed to grab onto a corner of the pillow and meet eyes with his attacker.

His soon-to-be-brother-in-law stared down at him, suddenly reminding Chandler of a college incident leading to the nickname of 'Red Ross.'

"Ross." Chandler greeted as nonchalantly as possible, trying not to set off his best man. Ross remained silent. "Is this like some weird wedding day initiation thing?" Chandler asked lightly, his tell-a-joke-when-nervous mechanism setting in.

"Where the hell have you been?" Ross finally demanded.

Chandler hesitated, suddenly realizing that just because no one caught him with Monica the night before didn't mean no one noticed he was missing. He glanced at the clock. 6:50. "It's not even seven in the morning, Ross. Where do you think I've been?" If Ross was looking for proof that he had seen Monica, he wasn't going to give it to him.

"I know where you should have been, but you weren't here. I came looking for you last night and you were gone!"

"I-uh, went up to the roof to think." Chandler stuttered, not actually telling a lie. "I got home hours ago," which was also true, he just didn't say how many.

"Well you should have left a note." Ross was calming down and had released his death grip on the pillow. Chandler pulled the pillow to his chest and sat up straighter.

"I'm a big boy, Ross. I'm allowed to go out at night." Chandler said lightly.

Ross shook his head. "No, not the night before your wedding your not. We didn't know where you were. We thought you…" He trailed off.

Chandler scrunched his forehead. "You thought I what?"

Ross sighed, the remaining stiffness in his posture dissipating. "We thought you took off, man."

"What?"

"We thought you freaked out and took off. We thought you were running out on Monica."

Chandler scoffed. "I would never do that. And who's we?"

Ross sighed. "Rachel, Phoebe and I. I came to see you last night, right as Joey was leaving to go back to the set. He thought you were in Rachel's room and you weren't. Then I talked to Rachel and Phoebe and they said you were acting weird all night."

Chandler paused for a moment before deciding not to be mad. "I left while Joey was getting ready. I just needed some time and space to think. I was freaking out a little," He admitted. "But I would never have taken off on her. You should know that by now, Ross."

Ross hung his head for a moment. "I'm sorry man. I really am. I never even thought to check back in here." He laughed quietly. "I can't believe I've been out all night looking for you."

"By yourself?"

Ross nodded. "We didn't want Monica to find out, so Rachel and Phoebe had to stay with her."

Chandler smiled inwardly, finding humor in the fact that while they were looking frantically for him, he was in the same apartment as the girls. "I appreciate you trying to protect her, Ross, but believe me when I tell you I'm here to stay. I love her too much to ever leave, even if I wanted to. I know you're her big brother and I respect that you feel a need to protect her, but you won't ever need to. I give you my word."

Ross remained quiet for a few moments before smiling. "Thanks man, that means a lot to me. And I do believe you. I'm sorry I didn't trust you last night. And I'm sorry I tried to beat you this morning."

Chandler shook his head. "Don't worry about it. I probably would have thought I took off too, I mean I AM Chandler." He joked.

Ross laughed at this. "So, whatever you needed to think about last night, you got that figured out or do you need to talk?"

Chandler smiled. "I got it all figured out. Got worked up for nothing."

Ross paused for a moment, as if convincing himself Chandler was telling the truth. "Well, then, I'm going to go tell the girls and then I'm going to go home and crash for a couple hours." He said a quick goodbye and departed the room.

Chandler laughed to himself before lying back down, the pillow securely in his arms again. "I'm getting married today," he mumbled as he drifted back to sleep.

AN: So, there still are Mondler lovers out there! I'm glad to here it. I've had to watch the episode over and over to getting timing and wording right. And I forgot how funny this show was. Watch it over and over and it still makes me laugh. ("You know, she might not even realize he's gone" –Phoebe) lol. Anyway, next chapter up soon.


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